So....I'm still dwelling on things I should no longer be dwelling on. I'm basically my own enemy and I'm sabotaging my own progress. Where do I begin?
Last month, I messaged my former childhood friend (I cut her off in 2018) an apology for what I did to her two years ago. It was a bit cathartic, but a part of me still has trouble forgiving myself and is guilty for making that mistake and cutting them off. They never messaged back, and I guess I shouldn't be surprised. She probably still hates my guts to this day and I don't blame her. I cut her off because I just felt quite neglected since I began school and I thought we were gonna spend time at school together. But nope. She was always busy with her much cooler friends and sort of left me to deal with her friends that were nonstop fighting with each other. I felt like the referee. And the girl she was friends with was a bit difficult to deal with. She was just...mean. Also, I don't even know why I feel bad for cutting her off. She wasn't that good of a friend. Besides, she would always treat other people like her bestfriend and then they would end up just using her. She attracted a lot of drama too. Maybe I feel bad because we had been friends for almost 16 years, but also because I betrayed someone's trust. That, I have to say is the biggest mistake I've ever made in my life. I've learned from it and never vent things unless the person is actually trustworthy. I really have to learn to let things go. Fill the void with better things.
In other news, I don't know what I did, but my lower back hurts along with my butt, my thigh and my leg. It's almost unbearable and I hope the pain goes away soon. I'm just praying to God that I won't be having any long-lasting damages and that I will be able to get back into good health soon.
Moreover, my friend/co-worker who is always late was extremely late again. She's just very hard to deal with and she's been adding more stress into my life lately. Like... She was inconsiderately late by 4 hours and when I mentioned the city, she said that I would have to carry her bag for her. Also, she was basically threatening me when I asked what she would do if I tried to end things with her. I honestly think she's a sociopath. She's personable but also quite manipulative. I can't deal with someone like that for too long. It just adds on to my stress. God help me....Please help me become happier in life, not think about the past, and not be in pain anymore. PLEASE.
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