[Insert Title Here]...I don't know

             Things seem to be happening all at once, such as my transferring to another department, but still doing the same job; my 21st birthday is around the corner; and my vacation is flying by almost in the blink of an eye even though it has just begun.

             Speaking of my transfer to the float team, I'm in such a huge stage of confusion right now. I don't know whether to follow my float team manager's schedule or my current manager's schedule. I have no clue on which date I will be ending vacation and what date I will officially begin my orientation. One manager says my transfer will be effective on June 26th, while the other one says that I will be released on July 10th. Now I'm sort of regretting putting my vacation at the same time as my transfer. Hopefully my phone call to my new manager will help to clear up things. I NEED THIS SITUATION CLEARED UP IMMEDIATELY! Moreover, I really hope that I'll be able to give better first impressions and hopefully I'll adjust well to my new shift.

               As for my 21st birthday....What a joke. Remember when I said that I'd take the vacation to focus on getting my learner's permit and enrolling for driving classes? I haven't finished reviewing my manual at all. Ugh...So much for getting my act partially together. What else? To be honest, I'm not really into the idea of having another get together at my house again like I do every year. Not a lot of people will be able to make it this year anyway. This is a bit irrelevant to my 21st birthday, but the older I get the more I realize who my true friends are and who are just my friends by name. I mean, I guess I'm starting to embrace the fact that I'm a loner and I guess I should just give up texting people first. I also find it dumb that people have to have Facebook notifications in order to remember what their friends' birthdays are. I mean, I remember majority of my friends' birthdays. It'd be nice if some of them remembered mine. 

          My vacation right now is quite uneventful I must say. I feel a little less purposeful since I've been spending majority of the time loafing around the house. I guess I should do something productive with it. The first two days of vacation were just BLAH. I went to Atlantic City with my aunt and her family. Her and her family are just beyond dysfunctional. I remember having late night dinner with them and while we were waiting for our food to be served, all of them were just glued to their phones and not even trying to make any conversation at all. I even made a snapchat video in secret, captioning it, "Our species is doomed!" The only time when they would actually talk to each other is when my aunt and her husband would criticize their children and yell at them. I managed to make it through the monotonous hour without saying anything negative or excusing myself from the table. After that, we all went back to the hotel room to unwind. The children and I spent most of our 2 days in the room, while their parents gambled their money away in the casino. Anyway, I'm probably not going to go somewhere with them unless my family is with me. 

Hi, I'm Nicki and I'm a bit of a weirdo *thumbs up*

                      Okay, where do I begin? Aside from the title of this post being pretty self-explanatory, I felt like I should be courteous and write a reason as to why I'm a bit of a peculiar person. Actually, not "a bit," I'm just weird as fuck. 

            Anyway, I was in the clean supply room with my older friend/co-worker, Harry, and I noticed that he had some unique-looking, golden hair ornaments that perfectly clasped his long, tightly braided locks of hair. Yeah, well this is the part where I come off sort of creepy. While I listened to his banter about how he didn't want me to leave the unit, how he'll miss me, and how I'm so good to work with, along with what he did during his 2-day shindig in the Poconos. I wasn't looking at his face or making eye contact with him. I was staring at his hair in awe. His hair just looked awesome, alright? Midway into his rant, he stops and says, "What are you looking at?" I told him, "Your hair." "You're starin' at my hair?" Then finally making some eye contact, I go "What? It looks nice!" After that, he just starts laughing and goes on to thank me and told me, "You should've just said something, instead of staring at me as if I had 10 heads!" 

            By the way, those are one of the ways that I compliment people. When I stare at someone or something of theirs, that I means I find them attractive or a quality of that they possess makes them becoming or I like what they have. Like you know; for example, someone owns a Lamborghini Aventador. I would be wishing that I owned one too! I only do that once in a while though hehe. I give compliments verbally majority of the time.

Well, I'll be damned....

                 I've come to the conclusion that I cannot live without Instagram. I must say I'm making progress with the dwindling amount of times that I have checked and scrolled through it though. 

                Work today was a mixture of a lot of things. It was something alright. I was grouped up with one that's a slow worker and another one that was arrogant, and somehow condescending. The slow worker wasn't too bad to converse with, but as for the other one-well let's just say I was trying really hard to restrain myself from giving him a jab to the face. I did a pretty good job with that I guess. I don't know, but some of the nonsense that came out of his mouth just came out so conceited and belittling. Like who cares about how many hours you worked these past two weeks and how your coming paycheck is looking? Good for him! Does he want a cookie or something? For someone that barely knows the actual meaning of teamwork, he does a decent job of acting like he's a team player! I don't think kissing up to the nurses counts. Nor does hiding in the nurse's station to pretend to document and play in your phone! I'm sorry, but I just can't stand the kid. My friend/co-worker and I have been harboring a strong dislike towards him for a while. Not only is he all those things, but he's quite nosy and doesn't know how to keep his distance. He's just plain annoying.

                 Also, I really wish ugly creeps would stop hitting on me. If it's not the random creep from the McDonald's in Times Square, it's the shady bus driver with the appalling ponytail and ugly sideburns that I see every Sunday when I miss the 11:15 pm bus after work. Like am I that undeserving to get attention from anyone decent at all? I really wish the kinds of guys that I fancy would at least look at me or say hello. That would be nice. I've almost only ever had female friends. It'd be great if I added some males to the mix. Males don't talk too much and aren't too worried about such superficial stuff. 

                 Ugh. It's whatever.
               

I have something to say...

              Okay, it's 2 in the morning and now all my epiphanies decide to emerge. My brain literally needs to stop thinking so much. Anyway, I'm beginning to realize a lot of things. The most important one is TO GET MY DUCKS IN A ROW. I must say this is one of the most honest and truest advises that I have received. I couldn't agree more.

                I really need to start getting my priorities straight, but to be honest, I'm a little uncertain about how to execute the actions to get my goals done and struggling to bring myself to want to even do so. I guess I'm going to need some help with that. Rather, I need to motivate myself and make myself want to. I guess only I can help MYSELF. I'm quite overwhelmed at the amount of goals that I want to accomplish, but I guess that's what happens when a person such as myself, expects so much and wants everything to be done almost perfectly. Maybe I should change my outlook and see things at a different perspective. I'll try to be optimistic and do things one at a time while setting a deadline for each goal. Well, the short term ones at least. That way I'll gradually get things out of the way until I have no more things to do. The long-term goals are a whole other story though.

               So, short-term goals; get learner's permit; enroll in a driver's ed class and get my license, try to save up for a car, study for CSI entrance exam, apply for college and then enroll for  some classes, and lose at least 10 pounds. I'll probably even try to work out as much as possible.

            As for long-term goals....I'll list them another time.

            In other news, I need to stop being concerned with love and trying to find a guy to talk to. I'm such a huge hypocrite. I give advice about these things to people and how they shouldn't get into these things if they're unsure if they want a significant other in their lives. I should just follow my own advice from now on and enjoy life just as it is. This kind of thing should be the least of my worries. I can't help it. I'm constantly bored and have very few friends that ACTUALLY want to hang out with me. I don't know. I'll have to stop worrying about others that probably don't worry about me too much. Moreover, it would be great if one of my friends actually texted me FIRST, instead of me constantly being the first one to do so. Am I not that fun of a person? Am I missing something that barely anyone wants to have anything to do with me? I don't know anymore and I guess I shouldn't waste my time worrying about it anymore.

             I have also decided to deactivate my Facebook for two weeks. I just find it ridiculous how I'm on my phone 50% out of the 24 hours of day just to scroll through the miscellaneous things that people that I'm not even that close to post, and chances are, I probably don't care. I've seen enough pictures of baby showers and weddings and dogs to last me a decade (if I were to choose to live under a rock or remote island for that duration). I need a social media detox and have to get back in touch with reality and have some actual, quality conversations with real life people. I've accomplished day two of not having a Facebook, and I'm quite impressed at myself. I guess I can survive through not having a Facebook. As for Instagram and snapchat, those two things are going to take time to wean me off of. Right now, I don't feel ready to let those two go just yet. I do love taking self portraits of myself and snapping my friends pictures and what not. The only downside with Instagram is that, it seems like I'm on it just so I can post a picture of myself and then wait to see how many people have liked that post. It's as if I'm losing my own self-worth and using those likes to validate myself. It's VERY sad. I've become so vain and worried about my appearance. So, I'll just post things up there from now on when I actually have something to post. As for snapchat, I'll dwindle the amount of stories I share from now on. I mean, it's not like anyone cares enough to message me about what's happening in them anyway. Speaking of snapchat, people rarely even send me anything on there. I'll try to check on it less often then. 

          I've also decided to unfollow the handsome marines that I followed on Instagram 2 months ago. Why? Well, I guess it's because it was a phase and once I found out that they all liked only white girls with blonde hair and blue eyes, I asked myself; "What am I gonna do? Bleach my hair and wear blue eye contact lenses just so they'll like how I look? That's preposterous!" Following them has given me unrealistic ideals of what type of guy that I fancy should like. Speaking of ideals, I need to stop being so shallow and lower my standards a bit (on guys' appearances). The more I expect, the more I'll end up disappointing myself. 

             So yeah, this is my rant. That's all I have to say. Till next time!

         

                

              

Hey, so it's been QUITE a while~

          So, where do I even begin? I can't believe it's been more than a year since I last posted on this thing. Though I wonder if anyone even cared enough to take a look at this. It's not as if I'm some famous blogger who writes gold.          

        Anyway, a lot has happened through 2015. From receiving my first job as a professional butt wiper fresh out of high school to getting into a car crash in my dad's car while he was trying to teach me how to drive for the first time. Honestly, I don't know what came over me during the time that I was sitting in the driver's seat. Did I freeze? Was I distracted? It happened all too quickly. Not to mention it was the day after my father's birthday. Some birthday gift huh? Whatever happened still remains a mystery to me. To this day, I'm still traumatized. I have flashbacks of the incident almost every night, and I dread seeing it every single time I close my eyes to go to sleep. Hopefully I'll get over my fear of driving and anxiety, that I'll have the confidence to get behind the wheel again. I'm turning 21 in two weeks and I feel as if I'm the only person in my 20s who doesn't know how to drive. Ugh. I NEED TO GET MY SHIT TOGETHER.            

          As for my job, I'm quite surprised that I still have it. Though I still have some personal issues that I need to get over. I did make some close friends though. Well only two, but the lesser, the better right? Also, by personal issues, I mean "fitting in." Apparently, to others, I'm too serious, too quiet, and need to smile more often. To be honest, I feel like these people want me to apologize for being myself. I mean, I'm not the most outgoing person on the planet, but I'm not bad once people get to know me. I have a crude and dry sense of humor, but I manage to make others laugh once in a while. I don't know....I guess once I transfer to the night shift for the float team, I'll be able to meet new people and make even more friends. I will miss some people from the unit that I'm currently working in, but I believe this transition will benefit me in several ways. I would state them, but there's way too many to list, hehe.              

            Hmm....What else? I've temporarily deleted majority of my social media apps from my phone for the next two weeks. Who knows? Maybe I'll be able to get some necessary shit done! I guess I can use the allotted time to study for the driving learner's permit test and then move onto some ACTUAL driving classes. Afterwards, I'll try to save up for a nice car! What else? I guess I'll try to begin my so-called SUMMER FITNESS JOURNEY. I'm just getting tired of LITERALLY rolling off the bed to get ready for work in the afternoon. I want to feel lighter when walking too. My ankles and feet are also beginning to hurt more easily when walking and standing for too long. I should stop with the midnight snacking too, along with the stress eating and eating when I'm bored.              

           By the way, I have writer's block. So excuse my awkwardness to whomever is even taking the time to read this lol. Hopefully I'll be able to update this more often than my journal that I have to physically write in.

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