Lately and Last Sunday

            It's been a while, huh? Well, a lot has happened since my last post 3 months ago. First and foremost, yours truly finally has a job! It's an entry level job at my local hospital as a patient care assistant, but it's both challenging and rewarding at the same time. It's been a month and a half since I began working there. I wouldn't say I'm flawless at what I do, but I'm learning to do a better job and to be more careful. 

           Working there has made me learn and realize several things. One, you're not always going to have clients that are easy to please and kind ones. Some of them can be very demanding and want instant gratification. I've known this since the very beginning, but once I have actually come face-to-face with these types people in person, I HAVE DEFINITELY LEARNED, and still have a lot to learn about how to deal with these kinds of people. Two, you're not always going to have easy days- meaning that your unit has a shortage in staff, therefore, you sometimes will have to cater to 12 to 14 different people's needs or some clients will need more attention than others, so you're going to have to be innovative and come up with a way to divide your attention equally towards them all. Trust me, this is very true because I had to tend to a dozen people last Sunday. 

             Sunday was a very overwhelming day for me to be honest. One client was very zealous about her blood glucose and obtaining instant gratification, while the other two that shared a room with her were rather annoyed with her primadonna-like nature, which complemented her talkativeness that kept me in the room for quite some time. The challenges that I faced that day tested my endurance holistically. One call bell after another kept ringing; RNs lamenting about the new PCA (me) that hasn't entered the vital signs and blood sugars into the computer, deterring them from administering their medications; and clients buzzing the call bell multiple times after I have just provided them with hygienic care. I felt like a crucible that was halfway to exploding into a rage. Thank God I kept in mind that I was still on probation; the fact that if I just let my annoyance faze me, I would be reprimanded by my boss and escorted outside of the premises. Moreover, the facility tried to make me stay for another 8 hours until 7 a.m. in the morning after a long night. It was just very challenging, and the only thing I can say is that I didn't do a very flawless job, but I tried my best to cater to my 12 clients' needs. My co-workers that day had said to me, "I understand that you are very busy, but next time take time into consideration, especially with vital signs and blood glucoses, since the RNs need to give their medications at a certain time. Also, just do your best. You are only one person tending to 12 clients; YOU CAN ONLY DO SO MUCH."

            By the end of my shift, I was just ready to leave. That night was so stressful, that I did not get to have a good night's sleep. Not to mention, I CRIED MYSELF TO SLEEP after realizing that I forgot to empty the feces-filled bedpan after cleaning up my patient and putting him back to bed because I just felt really dumb at the time and I still sort of do. I cried myself to sleep on Monday night as well about this because it's been bothering me. I have been praying to God that my boss doesn't reprimand me again and then fire me. I WOULD BE MOST HEART BROKEN IF I LET HER DOWN AND MAKE HER REGRET THAT SHE EVER HIRED ME. I told my friends about this situation and they said not to cry because God is on my side and that everything will be okay. I really hope that everything will be fine when I come back to work tomorrow. God please....I beg of you. 

Somehow...

Somehow I feel lonesome these days. Mostly in a platonic way. Romantic? I wouldn't say so much- I have to get my life together first. Well.... hmm. I don't know. The past year and these first two weeks into 2015 feel as if I'm always the first one to text people. For once, I'd like people to take me into consideration and take the effort to get in touch with me first. Well, because I feel as if I text the person the first time, and I don't get a reply after the first message I sent, it's like I'm being ignored for something I said or did wrong or maybe they just don't want anything to do with me at the moment. Moreover, if I don't get a reply, I have to keep sending text after text and ramble until I get a reply. Most of the time when I finally get a reply, it's usually along the lines of, "K. Lol. Lmao. Cool." I find that irksome because I put all my thoughts and feelings and effort into a whole paragraph. Sometimes I start to feel as if I'm bothering the recipient of my texts.

I don't know. Maybe I'll just stop texting people I frequently text for a while. Though I wonder if I'll even come across their mind first and text me first for a change.

Also, I guess I should appreciate the  solitude that is given to me. It'll probably give me a peace of mind. Maybe being alone isn't too bad. I'll just bask in it until someone offers me a hand and leads me into their world.

I hope I get a job soon and I hope I make some new genuine friends that'll take me into consideration. I'll just let go of the ones that don't even bother with me anymore (unless they needed a favor from me).