WC and I really hope 2021 will be an awesome year :)

          Remember when I mentioned that my back was hurting? Well, I've been going to the chiropractor for it and seeing a slight amount of progress since I began. Only thing is though, it gets exacerbated when I bend forward and lift things heavier than 10 lbs. So... In turn, my chiropractor has decided to take me out of work for a week. That means... I lose 4 days of work and I won't be paid for it because I have no more sick time TT^TT. In addition, I reported my work injury on Wednesday and automatically got Worker's Compensation filed for it. Honestly, I'm regretting reporting my injury because Worker's Compensation is more complicated than people think. It's a lot of paperwork and phone calls and making sure things are done correctly or lawyers will have to get involved. God, please help me. Please help me heal fully from my work injury as soon as possible so I can get back to taking care of my patients. Please let me get paid for the amount of time that I missed work. I can't afford not to be at work; I have tuition and bills to pay for. God PLEASE. 

        Aside from my back hurting, Mo and I had a fight about her lateness again. She called me psychotic, disrespectful, and self-centered just because I was upset about her lateness and because I was talking about my problems. I've been consoling her about her ex-boyfriend for a week now and she had the audacity to call me self-centered and foolish. Why does everything always seem to be my fault? Like I'm the bad guy for trying to cut someone off that I thought had changed their ways. She comes off very manipulative and she forced me to go to church with her, which was something I had to do against my will. Sometimes  I wonder if it's even worth continuing this toxic friendship with her because the more chances I give, the more misery I put myself in. I don't mean to sound like a victim, but others are noticing it too. She's a bit of a sociopath. She can preach and spit bible verses all she wants, but just because you're a God worshipper doesn't mean you're exempt from being a bad person. 

        God, please help me get rid of my depression and anxiety and help me find a hobby or something that doesn't have to do with eating, sleeping, and working all the time. Please let me find the motivation to get things done again. I just want to live a more productive and healthier life where I don't have to seek other people's approval. I wish to be independent of people and happy. Amen. 

I'm Over 2020 and Hoping I'll Just Get Better with Age

 So....I'm still dwelling on things I should no longer be dwelling on. I'm basically my own enemy and I'm sabotaging my own progress. Where do I begin?

Last month, I messaged my former childhood friend (I cut her off in 2018) an apology for what I did to her two years ago. It was a bit cathartic, but a part of me still has trouble forgiving myself and is guilty for making that mistake and cutting them off. They never messaged back, and I guess I shouldn't  be surprised. She probably still hates my guts to this day and I don't blame her. I cut her off because I just felt quite neglected since I began school and I thought we were gonna spend time at school together. But nope. She was always busy with her much cooler friends and sort of left me to deal with her friends that were nonstop fighting with each other. I felt like the referee. And the girl she was friends with was a bit difficult to deal with. She was just...mean. Also, I don't even know why I feel bad for cutting her off. She wasn't that good of a friend. Besides, she would always treat other people like her bestfriend and then they would end up just using her. She attracted a lot of drama too. Maybe I feel bad because we had been friends for almost 16 years, but also because I betrayed someone's trust. That, I have to say is the biggest mistake I've ever made in my life. I've learned from it and never vent things unless the person is actually trustworthy. I really have to learn to let things go. Fill the void with better things. 

In other news, I don't know what I did, but my lower back hurts along with my butt, my thigh and my leg. It's almost unbearable and I hope the pain goes away soon. I'm just praying to God that I won't be having any long-lasting damages and that I will be able to get back into good health soon. 

Moreover, my friend/co-worker who is always late was extremely late again. She's just very hard to deal with and she's been adding more stress into my life lately. Like... She was inconsiderately late by 4 hours and when I mentioned the city, she said that I would have to carry her bag for her. Also, she was basically threatening me when I asked what she would do if I tried to end things with her. I honestly think she's a sociopath. She's personable but also quite manipulative. I can't deal with someone like that for too long. It just adds on to my stress. God help me....Please help me become happier in life, not think about the past, and not be in pain anymore. PLEASE.