Revolving Sushi🍣

 Today was quite uneventful. I woke up at 9 a.m. because I had a therapy session to attend via Zoom with Anna. After the therapy session, I played a game on my phone called Bubble Nest, which allows me to earn cash while playing, and it keeps my mind focused and occupied, taking my mind off my relationship. Then I fell asleep and slept for a good hour and a half. 

Once I woke up from my nap, my nail salon called me to ask if I had scheduled an appointment for 5 p.m. (I hadn't). Since I was already awake and had been putting off eating since last night, I went to the bathroom, used it, washed my face, brushed my teeth, and threw some clothes on. For dinner, I went to a revolving sushi restaurant in my borough that just opened and had a solo date. Miguel wasn't in town to keep me company, and there wasn't really anyone to call or ask, so I decided to just go alone. Plus, I hated waiting around for a response. So I gave Miguel a glimpse of dinner time during our chat on Messenger. I'm not going to lie, I am actually enjoying my time alone this week, despite occasionally checking my phone to see if he's texted yet. I guess I'm at the beginning stages of detachment and focusing on myself. By detachment, I just fall back, getting busy and taking action so I can achieve the kind of life I want for myself. I do not want any drama this year. If he wants to have drama, it will be his problem to handle, not mine. I hope he doesn't cheat on me again either. If he wants out of this relationship, then fine. The universe will come together to find me a more suitable replacement. I've spoken enough about what I wanted in a man, and I've run out of energy to repeat myself. It's done. I have to stand on business from here on out. 

Aside from revolving sushi, I went to TJ Maxx to window shop, only to defeat the purpose of going there and buy another candle, some shower gels, a new book, and blemish patches. Here are some pictures of the highlight of today: 

1st Week of 2026 Accomplished...

 Well, well, well...The first week of the year has flown by, and I'm in awe. I'm still here. Still striving despite the physical, emotional, and mental fatigue. Good job, Sasha. What is there to say about today?

Where to begin? Well, I started the day off by waking up. OBVIOUSLY. I woke up to a plethora of notifications on my phone and a missed call from my boyfriend. He actually called me five times today. I wonder if he misses me. If he does, he will say it.

On the other hand, I was on the phone for a good 2 hours with Capella, having a conversation with my enrollment specialist about my upcoming enrollment and ways to get through the program. Since pulling the trigger and going for it, I've been quite on edge about things lately. Is my being busy the solution to all my issues? Will this help me become the independent and confident version of myself that I was before Miguel came into my life again? Man, I hope so. I've come to a conclusion: Men are not as attracted to women who are so immersed in them. They want nonchalant women. The type that can leave them at any time and not care.

The ones who simply elevate and move on. Perhaps it's time I follow my friends' advice and make it a reality: Stop making myself so available to Miguel and lock in so I can become the most successful and confident version of myself. That way, I won't need to rely on a partner to validate my existence. And to simply walk away the moment someone crosses me and my boundaries a second time after I have given them a chance to redeem themselves. No ifs, ands, or buts. I will fade away and let people lose me like I used to. Even if it means losing them too, in the process. Maybe that's the only way they will learn. To lose access to me, the kindness and care that I bring to their lives. I just don't have the emotional capacity for people who take me for granted. 

Yup. This guy misses me. He called for the 6th time today. I just got off the phone with him, talking about what he's up to and speaking about my master's degree program. 

Aside from school, I also called Driver's Ed to ask about my lessons and the road test. This will be my second time trying to get my driver's license in 8 years. May things work in my favor this time around. Hopefully, I get my driver's license so I can get my convertible and flex on these hoes. Just kidding. It's been a dream of mine to get a sports car that is a convertible and has a huge spoiler. So I hope it all falls into place soon.

In addition, I went to the mall with Tatiana and got myself some Labubu sweatshirts from Uniqlo. I didn't buy them for the Labubu design, but rather for their comfort and design. Here are some pictures of today's events. There are also pictures of my friends from our 2023 trip because I miss them so much. I hope I have another trip with them again. MANIFESTING THAT SHIT ✨

6/2/2021

           It's been a while since I last posted anything. Where do I begin? For starters, I rekindled a friendship with Essie and I just realized; we're never gonna be as great of friends as we were back in first grade. After about 6 months of correspondence, I just noticed our conversations being incredibly shallow and the only thing we have in common was our past. Honestly, I just didn't think it was going to be a friendship that was going to last and I'm not a fan of stale ass small talk. It even came to a point where I was on a "letting go spree" and posting up "let go"  mantra posts. To be honest, I am sad that the friendship is over, but it seems like a lost cause for me to keep pursuing something that's been long dead. 

         Other than losing Essie as a friend, I've also lost J as a long time friend as well. Instead of it ending due to a feud, it simply I guess faded away and I got the point when she finally posted up this "What I learned from friendships the hard way" video where the guy says "Just because you've been friends with someone for a long time, doesn't mean they're gonna stay the real deal. You could know someone for 3 months and they'll probably be realer than someone you've known for a long time." In other words, she didn't want to be friends anymore. I'd also like to add that when she posted on her story about her son's birthday party, I replied asking when it was going to be and I was left on seen, Like, okay. I guess it was over from that point on. Then 

Consistency...

             I really should start posting more often because a lot weighs on my mind when I don't talk it out or write about it. I used to blog often, but I've gotten lazier as the years passed by. I kind of missed the mousy and bookish version of myself, who was just okay with fading into the background. It was a lot easier that way. No drama. Not as many emotional or internal struggles. Not as plagued with overthinking nor caring about others, that could give, for lack of better words, two shits about me. The emotionally independent version of myself, who was fine with staying in her room, just writing about anything that came to mind. Where my silence spoke louder than any word I could ever speak. I miss my nonchalance and detachment. I want her back. Where I was able to just release my expectations and fixate on things that mattered. I HOPE I GET HER BACK. 

                As for my relationship with my boyfriend, I really hope he will keep his word and treat me with genuine kindness and care from now on. I have cried too many tears to keep up this emotional tug-of-war. I'm feeling holistically exhausted due to the lack of consistency and change on his part. A relationship is a two-way street. It cannot work if only one person is trying to make it work. I pray to God that things will get better. If not, I pray he gives me the strength to walk away from things that are not meant for me. I pray that he will give me a man who is the answer to my prayers. A man whom I feel safe to let my guard down around. A man who will provide, as he says, and is kind and gentle when faced with challenges and conflicts. A man who can control his temper. A man who is kind to his mother. A man who will not make me cry tears of sorrow or misery. A man who is not shaped by toxic masculinity and is genuinely kind. A man who is faithful to his woman.

            Not just a man. AN ACTUAL MAN. Don't get me wrong, he's a good man. However, like any human being, there is always room for improvement. I don't want him to be better only for me, but also for himself. I don't want him carrying the weight of resentment towards himself for the rest of his life. I want him to do this because he wants to. I do not want him doing this against his wishes. May he become the man for me as well as the man he wants to be, or may I be given the courage to walk away from someone I love~

            Aside from the emotional heaviness I've been experiencing, my boyfriend is out of town for the week. And now, I have free rein to carry out my week the way I have to. Well, I always do. Though I guess this is my chance to come back into my element as the woman I am in love with. I fear that I have neglected her for too long while overfunctioning in this relationship. Hence, this is why I am pouring all my thoughts here. I have not done this since July. It sucks how I only ever do this when things are weighing heavily on me, and there's no one to really talk to who gets it. I have to get out of that routine. Let me get back to being the girl who enjoyed her alone time and held her own. Time to show this blog some love again. MANIFESTING ✨

            On another note, I went to a Brooklyn Cafe with my sister's triplet friend, Reenie. It was quite fun. The kind of lowkey, chill, not over-the-top fun. Where I could be the quiet listener and observer. I have been feeling quite under the weather since this winter began, so it was a good way for me to conserve some energy. Besides that, I'm quite thrilled that Reenie is breaking into the dating scene and putting herself out there. I sincerely hope she meets the perfect match for her, and her search will be cut short. May he make her feel loved and let her do the same without overgiving. May she not just accept the love she thinks she deserves. See the book reference I'm making? 😉 Let me share the photos of today's moments. This is all I have for now. Until then, to God be the glory 🕊