Here we Go Again...

         As I've said before, I've deleted my Instagram, Snapchat, and very seldomly log on to Facebook anymore. I only created a new one because Jannie wanted me to so she can tag me in her inspirational break-up or forever alone quotes that she posts on her Facebook account. After seeing all my co-workers' political propaganda and pictures of their kids and "candid" selfies, I grew tired of it. The oversharing man...I'm beginning to agree with Keanu Reeves. Like what he said about having nothing to say about anything, I've run out of things to say or post about anything. I feel like we as a new generation spend more time trying to look like we're doing something relevant, rather than actually getting shit done and feeling fulfilled. 

       Though I do wish email is as popular today as it was back when it first came out. I feel like emailing someone feels nicer than instantaneously getting a half-assed short response in return. Well, pretty much because it gives you something to look forward to and you get to think about what you say and proofread it before you hit send. 

       Anyway, that's all I have to say. Let me go make an attempt to study what is left of my biology chapter about the urinary system.

Hasta mañana,

Nicki 

I just wanna be happy....

Dear God,

So it is 4:36 a.m., and I have yet to experience some shuteye. What's better than spending this time to get things out of my chest? As I was deleting my Yahoo email account, I stumbled upon some old pictures from high school. Oh those were the years...The wee years where I was young and wild and free, and of course; the years before the I had to take real world head on before I could even experience going to college. What can I say? Some things are out of our control and it's up to us how we handle such adversities. 

To continue, I've got to say....I miss my old self. I was nicer, meeker, and less rowdy and less reckless with my words and actions, thanks to the restrictive nature of my parents back then. Now that I've broken out of these metaphorical chains, I'm a bit lost as to how I want to conduct myself. I miss old Nicki. Moreover, I wasn't as codependent on my friends as I used to be and I wasn't as glued to my phone anticipating notifications that will rarely, if ever even appear. I was so content in being by myself. No drama, just that feeling of monotonous tranquility, with some study-related stress. I went from this wallflower to this tree that has lost some of its leaves through the seasons. By leaves, let's say I've lost a few people who are no longer a part of my life. I just felt like the giving tree. You give so much, and get nothing in return. 

Oh, and by the way, I've deleted my Instagram. Yes, I've done it again. I don't know....The likes and comments from friends and seeing what they're up to all the time isn't as fulfilling as it used to be. What I'm trying to say is that, if social media is supposed to be bringing people closer together, then why is it that when they're finally close to each other in the flesh, they're not connected to each other mentally and emotionally? There's no meaningful interaction going on. Moreover, I feel like I've just grown out of it. I've grown out of trying to doll myself up to take one perfect shot. To try and show others that I'm not having the worst or most boring time of my life. It's all fake. I guess Juniper is right. Why take pictures of things instead of experiencing them? Being in the moment? So that's exactly what I've been trying to do. Since I deleted that thing, I've been able to get things done and be on top of everything. Not to mention, I've been studying like hell for my exam that's coming up on Thursday. Godwilling I will pass and I'll be able to breathe a sigh of relief and finally pamper myself, which is something I haven't been able to do in so long. 

Another thing worth mentioning is that, Ramona and I had a fight; AGAIN. I feel as if everytime we talk, I end up upsetting her and we end up having the same conversation over and over again about how I'm being a shitty friend by neglecting her (how?) and that I value people who don't care about me as much as I care about them. To conclude, I called her out for the first time on things that she's done to me and her faults in our friendship and we've come to an agreement that we'll try to make the friendship as two-sided as possible and we'll try to work on the issues. Hopefully things work out in the long run. Because I was so close to losing another leaf. 

God please help me and make the rest of this year a good one.

Lots of love and thank you always,

Nicki