What does seeing two foxes mean?

           A lot has happened since my last entry. As I've mentioned before, I was unemployed for three months. I was working as a contract nurse for an agency from December to April, and I'm back to being unemployed. To be honest, I kind of regret quitting my hospital job, but due to my dad not letting me miss my cousin's baby shower, I quit, thinking that I would have a better chance of finding a new job. Man, it's so hard. I feel like I have no purpose in life right now. I feel as though life is passing me by, and I don't feel like what typical thirty-year-olds feel like- married, working on having their first child with their partner, building a home and life together. Also, having an income that makes one comfortable enough to live. 

            Aside from being unemployed, my relationship isn't doing well right now. I feel like I've messed everything up with retroactive jealousy and constant questioning about his past. His past didn't sit well with me, but I stayed in hopes that things would get better. Due to my insecurity and overthinking, as well as comparing myself and not receiving reassurance, I would question my worth to him. Moreover, due to my reactions to the things he would tell me, he recently told me that he doesn't know if he will ever be able to open up to me about anything, and if the damage is reversible. So I would keep asking him if this relationship was something he wanted to continue, but he's not giving me a direct answer. I just want to know where I stand now so I can start the grieving process or grow with him. He's told me that losing me means that he will lose a potential wife and mother to his children. The issue is, right now, he has no interest in talking to me, and I'm not sure he even wants to hear from me or see me. Whenever I call him, I'm met with coldness and irritation now. I would like to keep trying if he wants to. I just want to know if he still wants me by his side or not. I love him, but I will need to put my self-respect first at some point. He used to talk about how silent treatment isn't something he likes, but now he's giving it to me. I will give him some space. Well, I hope we reach a resolution. And hopefully, the foxes that we saw at the beach the other night will be a good sign that things will get better. I hope I get better. And may things start looking up for me regardless of him being with me or not. I'm leaving most of this to God now. I pray things do get better.