God thanks for another day...

 As the rest of 2020 progresses, I'm realizing that I should be glad that I'm still here. God, thank you for letting me fall asleep even for just a little bit tonight. Thank you for getting rid of my anxiety for those few hours of sleep. Thank you. Thank you for letting some of my lower back pain disappear. Thank you for helping me shed the water weight. Thank you for giving me a chance to live and breathe another day.

I just hope that things start to get better, and I hope my back problems go away soon. Please let my breathing problems go away and please get rid of my heartburn and my stomach issues. Please help me with my anxiety and help me stop worrying about my breathing. 

In addition, I'm really thankful for Mary and Erika. They've been there for me and listening to my problems and worries and still support me. I wish they will be happy in 2021 and I hope good things happen to them. I'm grateful for the late nights where they stayed up with me and made sure I eventually fell asleep. I hope we'll be able to do it again. 

Today I went to the therapist. We mostly discussed my health problems and my relationships with my family, my friends, and former friends. I've realized or actually I know that I tend to personalize things and blame myself 100% for things that two people or more should take the blame for. I wish I could stop apologizing for myself even though it's not necessary. I wish I could stop fearing the unknown and just live life. I wish my health problems would go away soon. GOD, PLEASE LET ME GET BETTER SOON. Amen.

God Please Bless Me With Good Health

 Dear God,

I am a nervous wreck right now. My back pain may have subsided in my lower back area, but the pain has climbed up to my thoracic spine. I'm scared. I'm scared of what my body is gonna be capable of in the long run. Will I be able to do things the way I used to? Will things go back to normal like before? All I want for Christmas is to be not have any back pain, to not have any breathing problems, and to lose weight. I'm not in the best state right now. I haven't slept well in days. Please let these issues go away. I beg of you. I want to be able to enjoy Christmas with the family and not worry about my health so much. It's very energy and time-consuming when I could be doing more productive things. God please let me sleep well tonight and wake up to see another glorious day. I beg of you.

As for my relationships with people, I hope there isn't any bad blood between us all. I just needed to disappear to find myself. I just don't want to worry about stepping on egg shells when I talk to them. I just don't want any of the toxicity anymore. I want to start a new.