Another one....

I want to so badly get away from everything. It's all causing me to go insane. I don't know....It would also be nice if people would reach out to me first before I did. I'm always the first to do so. I guess people just don't care. I'll have to give up. Slowly, I'm losing all my friendships one by one and realizing maybe this is a sign: 

            It's time to move on. To stop forcing and moving on from things that aren't meant to be. I should stop doing that. I have to go somewhere else distant and make an attempt to find myself. Perhaps I'm not happy because I still don't know what my true calling in life is, and I keep having to hold myself back from doing the things I want just to make others happy. I'm fed up. Sometimes  I wish I was just nonexistent. Or at least able to take myself away from everything. I need a vacation. VERY BADLY. 

           I feel as if ever since I graduated from high school, all I've been doing is work my ass off and not do anything that made me happy. Moreover, it's a little hard to have some confidence in myself since people in my family have done nothing, except put me down my entire life. It may seem like I've developed thick skin, but there's several layers of shattered self-esteem in there. Perhaps that's why I try better than doing my best in things and I just give up when I can no longer do better at something. It's never an in between thing though. 

            Also, it would be nice if there were someone who can just hear me out and not judge me or say things when I'm not asking for it. I vent to people, but then they just stop listening. I don't know. This is why I'm cynical. Thinking of the worst helps me brace for impact. I'll stop trying to chase after people from now on. I'm tired. Mentally, physically, and emotionally. 

           When I was young, I always thought that growing up and being in your twenties was going to be a fun thing. Who knew it was going to be a process where one has to work incredibly hard just to achieve happiness and success? How annoying. I'm still trying to figure out the significance of life. I think I want to focus on that for my upcoming philosophy class. I'm intrigued by the notion of it. Life seems to be one of those things that will keep hurling obstacles and hardships your way just to see how strong you really are in a holistic way. Then, once life makes you reach your limit; you snap. I'm on the verge of snapping. Ugh. Perhaps I'm already at that level. I can definitely say for a fact that there's people on the same level as I am. Everyone has got to be fucked up in some way possible, no matter how much they insist that they're normal. Well, I'm off to bed. It's time to out this rant to rest.

Yours truly,
Chick who needs a vacation and coffee ♥️

Alone...

      Do you ever find that no matter how many friends you have or how many people are around you, you still somehow feel alone on the inside and no one understands you? Because I do. I don't know why, but I feel myself getting farther down in the dumps than I usually am again. I've always been asking myself; why am I here? I'm doing what I'm supposed to do and working hard towards something, yet I still feel empty inside. Nothing seems to make me happy lately. I go shopping, yet I still don't feel happy. Maybe I'm just so burnt out. My parents have bad blood, my siblings have blood with my mother, and here I am....Stuck in the middle of it all. Taking all this into account, I think I just want some peace and quiet for my birthday. I wish everything would be okay. I wish I was okay. I'm okay physically, but mentally and emotionally; those are questionable. I realized it last year. I overthink things nonstop, and when I realize that I have no control over it, I just sort of...I don't know how to explain it. My heart sinks, causing me to be mentally exhausted. I WISH I WAS NORMAL. Sometimes, I just want to be put into this cryogenic freezer, where they'll put me into a "cold sleep," and then 10 years later, they'll take me out of it, and things will be different (though I hope the changes would be for the better). That would be nice. I guess I'm a little lost. When I was a teenager, I thought that by my mid-twenties, I would somehow have it all figured out. You know, having a job where I make enough money to support myself, living the life of a bachelorette with a room mate, and just living it up, having fun. Moreover, travelling. But no, I'm still financially unstable, have little to no friends, my social skills are shit, I don't know what facial expression to have in public and I suck at meeting new people and having conversations. I NEED NEW HOBBIES THAT DON'T INVOLVE USING MY DEBIT CARD. 

       It would also be nice if the president didn't give the immigrants hell for not having papers. They just want to make money to support their families back home or establish a life worth living. I don't understand. His parents were immigrants from Germany. Hell, his wife wasn't even legal before she married him. The woman barely speaks a lick of English for crying out loud! I feel as if he's just capitalizing on his status as president and he's probably selling us out to Russia as I'm typing this up. Moreover, what he's doing to the immigrant children and their families-it's disgusting. He's basically violating their constitutional rights to live equally in the land of the free. I don't know...This is one of the reasons why my mom decided to leave my dad. I'm just over it. I just feel like a robot that has a routine to wake up everyday, eat, go to school, work, make money, and REPEAT. 

*sigh* FML. 

Excuse my rambling, I'm just on a rampage. This entire entry just happened because I remembered the time when I was in elementary school, while my cousin was in middle school and how his teacher was making him write a paper on "What is the importance of life?" That question kept repeating in my head over and over. It's a really good question to be honest. You can't really have a wrong answer for it. Or can you?

LOVE, 
Fat bitch on her period

2018....What a shitty year to be alive -_-

         Hola folks, or to whomever even bothers to read this sad excuse of a rant blog. 2017 was a massive rollercoaster ride. Get ready for my comprehensive narrative for 2018! It's one hell of a story!

           Alright, where do I even begin? Where did I even leave off? Eh, I'll just start off with whatever comes to the top of my head. 

           First and foremost; I hate people. I mean, I really do. As to why I do, there are just way too many reasons to list. To put it simply, they're fucking complicated. Especially females. We're a catty bunch of shitheads. EXTRA EMPHASIS ON "WE'RE," SINCE I CAN BE A HUGE SHITHEAD MYSELF AT TIMES. To continue, I've decided that if I were to have more female friends in the future, I've decided that I would have to lay out a few ground rules.

1. If the need to call out one another arises, just do it. The reason better be valid. Moreover, it better not be our petty sides doing it.

2. If there's beef, I don't want silent treatment. Address that shit ASAP. I have other people and problems to deal with. You wanna keep that shit up? Okay. BYE FELICIA!!!! 

3. Just because you have an ass and tits, doesn't mean you go around and shame others for the way they look. Of course, unless you're being a shitty human being, I'll call your ass out on that and I'll unleash my fiery and savage wrath on you. I won't take mercy, I can promise you that.

4. If we do have beef, and  you can't seem to think of a more civil way to address it; FIGHT ME BITCH. YO GIRL IS READY. 

5. If there's someone annoying you, tell them in private that you don't appreciate it. Secondly, if the person does look a certain way and doesn't fit the image, or has what it takes to be your friend, just go on your merry fucking way and let them know that: A. They seem like a cool person, it's just that y'all are way too different to mesh, and B. You can make polite suggestions that they need to take better care of their hygiene. Also, if you do talk about them with your so-called "gal pals," all I can ask you is this; Who do you think you are? You're not much of a bargain yourself. Call me a bitch or whatever, but it just might be so damn true.

6. FOLLOW THEM RULES. Okurrrrrr.

Okay, 2018. I'm falling asleep. The melatonin is starting to work. The first half of 2018 has been shitty to be honest. I mean I lost a huge group of friends, especially the ring leader of that group. My other pal said, I just so happened to get sucked into it. Eh, I feel like I did and didn't lose much. I did gain something though. MORALS. Moral of the story is, if you're not really vibin with your squad, it's time to hit the road Jack. Don't turn back. Moreover, if you do ever lose a friend, remember you'll make more as you go through with life. As long as you don't lose yourself in the process of losing someone, you're Gucci bro. 

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! I just accidentally scratched my pimple. I'm in such a rampage that I forgot that Karma is a bitch and she'll bite me in the ass. 

Anyway, yeah. My parents are divorcing. My mother is in the process of moving all her crap out of the house into my aunt's house. She's giving my dad the silent treatment, yet she's running her mouth to her "friends" about how she had to deal with him for 23 years and how she's now a free women. *Nicki Minaj voice* Stupid hoe. Like the fuck is this white people shit? Divorce? Really? Y'all couldn't work shit out like other people? So annoying...Now I'm pulling all these doubles just so I can sort of help my dad who she's leaving, with rent and other financial expenses. I'm legitimately stressed the fuck out, which is probably more obvious with the acne if you could see it. 

Also, last weekend, I got hit by a car. I wasn't ran over all the way, but I did end up with a a minor hip bruise. That's another story though. I'm too tired to write some more. 

Chao,

Your girl who is ready <3