Alone...

      Do you ever find that no matter how many friends you have or how many people are around you, you still somehow feel alone on the inside and no one understands you? Because I do. I don't know why, but I feel myself getting farther down in the dumps than I usually am again. I've always been asking myself; why am I here? I'm doing what I'm supposed to do and working hard towards something, yet I still feel empty inside. Nothing seems to make me happy lately. I go shopping, yet I still don't feel happy. Maybe I'm just so burnt out. My parents have bad blood, my siblings have blood with my mother, and here I am....Stuck in the middle of it all. Taking all this into account, I think I just want some peace and quiet for my birthday. I wish everything would be okay. I wish I was okay. I'm okay physically, but mentally and emotionally; those are questionable. I realized it last year. I overthink things nonstop, and when I realize that I have no control over it, I just sort of...I don't know how to explain it. My heart sinks, causing me to be mentally exhausted. I WISH I WAS NORMAL. Sometimes, I just want to be put into this cryogenic freezer, where they'll put me into a "cold sleep," and then 10 years later, they'll take me out of it, and things will be different (though I hope the changes would be for the better). That would be nice. I guess I'm a little lost. When I was a teenager, I thought that by my mid-twenties, I would somehow have it all figured out. You know, having a job where I make enough money to support myself, living the life of a bachelorette with a room mate, and just living it up, having fun. Moreover, travelling. But no, I'm still financially unstable, have little to no friends, my social skills are shit, I don't know what facial expression to have in public and I suck at meeting new people and having conversations. I NEED NEW HOBBIES THAT DON'T INVOLVE USING MY DEBIT CARD. 

       It would also be nice if the president didn't give the immigrants hell for not having papers. They just want to make money to support their families back home or establish a life worth living. I don't understand. His parents were immigrants from Germany. Hell, his wife wasn't even legal before she married him. The woman barely speaks a lick of English for crying out loud! I feel as if he's just capitalizing on his status as president and he's probably selling us out to Russia as I'm typing this up. Moreover, what he's doing to the immigrant children and their families-it's disgusting. He's basically violating their constitutional rights to live equally in the land of the free. I don't know...This is one of the reasons why my mom decided to leave my dad. I'm just over it. I just feel like a robot that has a routine to wake up everyday, eat, go to school, work, make money, and REPEAT. 

*sigh* FML. 

Excuse my rambling, I'm just on a rampage. This entire entry just happened because I remembered the time when I was in elementary school, while my cousin was in middle school and how his teacher was making him write a paper on "What is the importance of life?" That question kept repeating in my head over and over. It's a really good question to be honest. You can't really have a wrong answer for it. Or can you?

LOVE, 
Fat bitch on her period