Tabula Rasa...

It's almost the end of 2018; thank God 😩 I'm so ready for a fresh start. Reflecting on everything that has happened, I'm not going to lie; I'm worn the hell out. I'm 10 lbs heavier and still stressed and anxious as ever. As a matter of fact, I had a 15-minute silent crying session in bed because I did three 16-hour shifts this week and I haven't done anything fun in a while. The fact that I'm hormonal and on my period at the moment helped me get all this stress and toxic shit out. While I was crying, I was praying to God for better years to come, better friends, a more positive outlook on life, and a better year for my dad. He's gone through a lot this year. The fact that he's been sacrificing his mental and physical health despite being at his limit worries my siblings and I sometimes. I don't understand why my mother just had to leave. She could've just taken the time to work things out. Ugh. I don't necessarily hate her, but I've come to dislike her profusely. She never has anything good to say whenever she comes by and is always talking shit about my dad. Like, bitch; you're the one who wanted the divorce! He just gave you what you wanted! Moreover, my grandmother should probably move out and live with my mom soon because she's getting on everyone's nerves. 

In other news, my cousin just called my sister. Lol, I think she hates me for saying that her mom needed to stop taking advantage of my parents last year. Sorry not sorry, because I'm fed up with my dad complaining about it. She hasn't spoken to me since, and honestly I'll feel some type of way for a minute when she FaceTimes my sister, but at the same time I don't care because it's not like we talked that much anyway. It's whatever. 

All in all, I hope things get better soon. I'd also like to add that I got the .5 position I wanted! I'll finally get some breathing room. God is good. I hope he'll continue to answer my prayers.